What are some famous Ted Mosby quotes

I'll tell you the secret, children: none of us can pledge to be perfect. Ultimately, we can all only promise to love one another with all that we have in us. Because loving is the best we can do.

Here's the secret, kids: none of us can vow to be perfect. In the end, all we can do is promise to love each other with everything we've got. Because love's the best thing we do.

Love, perfectTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 22

Love doesn't make sense I mean, you don't even have to try to explain them logically. Love is totally nonsensical, but we have to live it, you know, because otherwise we are lost and then love is dead and so is humanity. Loving is the best we can do.

Love doesn't make sense. I mean, you can't logic your way into or out of it. Love is totally nonsensical, but we have to keep doing it or else we're lost and love is dead and humanity should just pack it in. Because love is the best thing we do.

loveTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 22

If you are looking for the word that means that someone is always close to your heart and you want that person to always be fine, even if it destroys you, then that is love!

If you're looking for the word that means caring for someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it's love!

loveTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 17

Hey, Ref, what you whistle can be smoked in a pipe!

Hey, ref, check your voicemail! I think you've missed a few calls!

refereeTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 9

Marshall: "Damn it, Ref, open your eyes! This is not a pregnant woman ..."
Ted: "... that's a basketball under his shirt. Can you blow your stupid pipe?"

Marshall: "Open your eyes, ref! That's not a pregnant lady ..."
Ted: "... it's a basketball under his shirt. Blow the freakin 'whistle!"

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 9

Well, children, you say such stupid things before you meet the person who presses the reset button on our site. That makes everything new again. That makes it seem ridiculous that you ever doubted.

And that, kids, is the kind of stupid thing you say, before you've met the person who hits the reset button on the world. Who makes everything new again. Who makes it seem ridiculous that you ever considered settling.

Fall in loveTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 8

The thing is, kids, if you believe in people, they'll reward you too.

Here's the thing, kids: When you believe in people, people come through.

trustTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 2

Sometimes you meet a woman and there is one particularly charming detail that will make you fall in love with her instantly, right? So a freckle on her nose, the melody of her laugh, the way she pronounces a certain sentence or word ...

You know how sometimes you'll meet a girl and there'll be that one bewitching little detail that'll make you fall in love with her instantly? You know, a little freckle on the nose, the lilt of her laugh, the way she pronounces a certain word or phrase ...

Fall in loveTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 21

Lily: "Ted, did you do all of this yourself?"
Ted: "Like Ryan Gosling in 'Like One Day'. I was like a real guy to you until I mentioned Ryan Gosling, huh?"

Lily: "Ted, you did this all yourself?"
Ted: "Just like Ryan Gosling in 'The Notebook'. It was pretty manly 'til I mentioned Ryan Gosling in' The Notebook ', huh?"

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 24

Children, you can't cling to the past. Because no matter how tight you cling to her ... she's gone.

Kids, you can't cling to the past. Because no matter how tight you hold on ... it's already gone.

Memories, pastTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 23

I learned that if you throw up on roller skates, you drive into the spray.

Turns out, when you projectile vomit on skates, you roll right into the spray.

SkatingTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 14

Eight years ago I made a fool of myself and chased you and I made a fool of myself several times for chasing you. But I don't regret it because it led to something I wouldn't trade for anything in this world. Namely that we are friends. So as your friend and as the leading expert on making a fool of yourself, I'll tell you one thing from the bottom of my heart. Now get the hell out of it!

Eight years ago I made an ass of myself chasing after you and I made an ass of myself chasing after you a bunch of times since then. And I have no regrets because it led me to something I wouldn't trade for the world, it led to you being my friend. So as your friend and a leading expert in the field of making an ass of yourself. I say to you, from the heart, get the hell out of this car!

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 11

I shed my heart, sweat and tears for this building. Well, most of it on the day I fell into the elevator shaft.

I poured my blood, sweat and tears into that building. Though, to be fair, a lot of that happened the day I accidentally fell down the elevator shaft.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 9

Children, Robin and Barney have had a difficult moment recently. After that, they did what any mature adult would do: they pretended nothing had happened.

Kids, Robin and Barney had recently shared an awkward moment. After that, they did what any two mature adults would do: They pretended it never happened.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 8

Marshall, it's not a bad thing that you are 18. That means that you can be with her for a long time.

Marshall, you being 18 isn't a bad thing. It just means you get to spend even more of your life with her.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 7

Ted: "Basketball is what most people don't even know, pure geometry and engineering. So if you think like an architect, you can win a thousand games without ever touching a ball."
Barney: "What happened to your ball?"
Ted: "A few Talmud students stole it and are not giving it back."

Ted: "Basketball, people don't realize, is all geometry, physics and engineering. If you think like an architect, you could win a thousand games without ever touching a ball."
Barney: "What happened to your ball?"
Ted: "Some kids from the Hebrew school next door took it and wouldn't give it back."

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 6

Even if it's fun here, it's late. So how do we do it? As Siamese twins, don't say we're not wearing my jacket again!

As fun as this place is, it's late. So what's our play? And don't say, 'The Siamese Twins', we're not stretching out another one of my jackets!

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 16

Ted: "As a child, I was considered a pretty capable detective. When my friend's braces disappeared, the Mosby Boys were put on the case and we found out ..."
Victoria: "His braces were in the trash, the Mosby Boys were you and your sister and a squirrel that you thought you had tamed."
Ted: "I still can't believe that Eich-lock Holmes has fooled us like that, eight weeks of toughest training for the cat."

Ted: "As a kid, I was known as a bit of a detective. In fact, when my friend's retainer went missing, the Mosby Boys were put on the case, and it was ..."
Victoria: "The retainer was in the garbage. The Mosby Boys were you, your sister, and a neighborhood squirrel you thought you had tamed."
Ted: "I can't believe Squirrel-lock Holmes turned on us like that, eight weeks of training down the drain."

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 5

Two of us sign greeting cards, we have toothbrushes in the other's apartment, there is no foreplay any more. I'm in, I'm out, I'm falling asleep - it's great.

We're cosigning birthday cards, we got toothbrushes at each other's places, foreplay's out the window. I'm in, I'm out, I'm sleeping - it's great.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 5

Ted: "Why shouldn't she just give out what she wants?"
Marshall: "Men. Really, if you didn't have to turn on pickle jars and kill spiders and make backup copies, what would you need them for?"
Lily: "Mmh-hmm!"
Ted: "Okay, when did Marshall become a more feminine version of you?"

Ted: "Why wouldn't she just come right out and say what she wants?"
Marshall: "Men. It's like, if there weren't pickle jars to open and spiders to kill and computers to back up, what would be their point?"
Lily: "Mmh-hmm!"
Ted: "Okay, when did Marshall become a slightly more feminine you?"

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 5

Hey, it's me again So let's be honest. Aren't we turned on each other? We're young and drunk - one of us at least - and we only have one life.

Hey, it's me again. Look, who are we kidding? You and I are both attracted to each other. We're young, we're drunk, half of us anyway. And we only get one life, so why don't you come over to my apartment and we'll think of something stupid to do together?

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 1 episode 10

Let's have a quickie in a hotel and then I'll drive you to the wedding.

Let's hit a motel, jam in a quickie and get you back to your wedding.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 24

Children, sometimes the universe sends you what you want. Sometimes ... Lily's father also sends it.

Kids, sometimes the universe sends exactly what you ask for. Other times ... it sends Lily's dad.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 23

Ted: "Uh, when you went into labor!"
Lily: "That's it now!"
Ted: "I'm running out of stories."

Ted: "Uh, the time Lily went into labor!"
Lily: "That's now!"
Ted: "Sorry, I'm running out of stories."

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 23

Barney: "I carried out the online search with the help of my personal logarithms, took into account a wide range of variables, also filtered out risky negative aspects and that guarantees a success rate of eighty-three ..."
Ted: "... you have chosen the ones that show the most breast."

Barney: "I scoured the dating sites, using my own personal logarithms, factoring in a broad spectrum of variables, filtering out undesirable high-risk negatives, guaranteeing a success-rate of eighty-thr ..."
Ted: "... you picked the girls that showed the most boob."

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 22

Barney: "Because I'm with a stripper."
Ted: "Yes, you posted it everywhere."

Barney: "I'm dating a stripper."
Ted: "Yes, I've seen your bus ad."

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 21

Everyone is joking about a guy who just hangs out and never leaves the house. But the truth is, this guy is a genius.

People make fun of the guy who stays at home every night doing nothing, but the truth is that guy is a genius.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 21

Evenings can't always be legendary. If all evenings were legendary, no evening would be legendary!

Every night can't be legendary. If all nights are legendary, no nights are legendary!

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 21

For once, children, I lost faith that my life would be better three years later. And the funny thing is, three years later, my life was amazing.

Kids, that was the one time I ever lost faith in the idea that my life would be better in three years. And what's funny is, three years from that moment, my life was amazing.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 20

Marshall: "Dude, if we screw up the Ökonprüfung, we won't even be in our whole life ... we won't know how to ... do you even know what 'Ökon' is?"
Ted: "I don't know. We're screwed."

Marshall: "Dude, if we fail this econ final, for the rest of our lives we're not gonna be able to ... we won't know how to ... do you even know what 'econ' is?"
Ted: "No idea. We're screwed."

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 20

Ted: "Luckily your friend was once a boy scout and a boy scout is always something?"
Robin: "Unpopular?"
Lily: "Outsider?"
Barney: "With his mother in the cinema?"
Ted: "A boy scout is always ready ..."
Robin: "... ready to spend the school break in the locker?"
Marshall: "... ready to die a virgin?"
Barney: "... to paint his sister's nails?"

Ted: "Luckily, you are friends with a former Boy Scout and a Boy Scout is always what?"
Robin: "Unpopular?"
Lily: "Beaten up?"
Barney: "Going to the movies with his mom?"
Ted: "A Boy Scout is always prepared ..."
Robin: "... prepared to spend lunch in his locker?"
Marshall: "... prepared to die a virgin?"
Barney: "... prepared to paint his sister's nails?"

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 9

That meant the world was open to me for the first time in years. Because you know kids, when a door closes ... well, you know how it ends.

Which meant for the first time in years, the world was wide open. Because kids, when a door closes ... well, you know the rest.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 17

Children, sometimes you realize that you have reached the final stop while on a trip. Then the question is: where are you going next?

Kids, sometimes you realize the journey you've been taking has reached its final stop. So, the question becomes: Where do you go next?

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 16

Robin: "You wanted the last bullet."
Ted: "She was 90 years old, that would probably have been her last ball."

Robin: "She was gonna get the last ball."
Ted: "She was 90 years old. It was probably gonna be her last ball."

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 15

Should we friends always only live near our regulars' table? No, that's not life like that, children. But one thing became clear to me at the time: our regulars' table was wherever we sat together.

Would the five of us always live within a few minutes of that booth? No, that's life, kids, but here's what I discovered: Our booth was wherever the five of us were together.

FriendshipTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 14

Hey look, this is the New York skyline.
We're building Chip City ... we're building Chip City thanks to your gravel!

Hey look, it's the New York City skyline.
We built Chip City ... we built Chip City on all your dough!

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 14

Ted: "I thought that I could bring him closer to a bit of decency and morality."
Robin: "Tell me these are not the names of your fists!"
Ted: "It's my feet, I'm more of a stepper."

Ted: "I just thought he needed to listen to common sense and reasonable discourse."
Robin: "Oh, God. Tell me those aren't the names of your fists."
Ted: "They're my feet. I'm actually more of a kicker."

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 6 episode 13

Ted: "If you call a white, plump kid LeBron, the boys will throw him in the basketball hoop."
Marshall: "That's right, then I'd better paint Shaquille, Hakeem and Dikembe too."

Ted: "You name a chubby white kid LeBron and he's the one getting stuffed in the basketball hoop."
Marshall: "Then I'm also crossing off Shaquille, Hakeem and Dikembe."

basketballTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 6 episode 6

Barney: "I can't stop looking at this woman's face."
Ted: "Face? What a strange word for boobs."

Barney: "I cannot stop staring at that girl's face."
Ted: "Face, huh? That's your weirdest nickname for boobs yet."

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 6 episode 4

Barney: "Ted, that part that you have there won't fit in there."
Ted: "Your mother said that too."
Barney: "How dare you?"
Ted: "She really said that!"

Barney: "Whoa, Ted, that thing you're packing is way too big to fit in that box."
Ted: "Yeah, that's what your mom said."
Barney: "How dare you?"
Ted: "No, she actually said that."

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 6 episode 2

Robin, when you ask a hundred people, 'Who is the person you should never date?' Then everyone would say 'your therapist' except for those who say 'Barney'.

Robin, if you asked a hundred people: 'Who's the worst person you could possibly date?' They'd all say 'your therapist', except the ones saying 'Barney'.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 5

Career has been superior to love for years. Just like the globetrotters to the generals: your career throws baskets from the middle line, your love is a bunch of slow whites, not even in Italy they would win.

Career has been trouncing romance for years. It's like the Globetrotters versus the Generals: Career's sinking hook shots from half court, romance is just a bunch of slow white guys, who couldn't make it in the Italian league.

CareerTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 5 episode 24

Clint: "Ted, your mother is a very sexy woman."
Ted: "Please do not."

Clint: "Ted, your mother is a very, very erotic woman."
Ted: "Please don't."

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 5 episode 20

Sometimes our best decisions are those that seem completely pointless.

Sometimes our best decisions are the ones that don't make any sense at all.

Mistakes, decisionsTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 5 episode 20

Ted: "You always kept your toothbrush in the bedroom, which I also find very strange."
Lily: "Oh no, she was always in the bathroom."
Ted: "No, there was always only one toothbrush and that was mine ..."

Ted: "You always kept your toothbrush in the bedroom. Also weird, by the way."
Lily: "No. We kept it in the bathroom."
Ted: "No, there was only one toothbrush in the bathroom, and it was mine ..."

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 5 episode 14

Even if I met the woman of my dreams right now, I'm still one night and nine months away from having a family of my own. And that assumes that the mother of my children is a really tough bitch.

Even if I meet the girl of my dreams right the second, I'm still one night and nine months away, from having a family on my own. And that's assuming the mother of my childern is just a huge slut.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 4

We have always been a trio! Just like Batman and Robin and Alfred. Romeo and Juliet and the poisoner. Salt and pepper and cumin.

We've always been a trio! We're right up there with Batman and Robin and Alfred. Romeo and Juliet and the apothecary. Salt and pepper and cumin.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 4

Nobody likes to be alone, especially not after a breakup. But then we know best who we really are and what we really want.

Nobody likes to be alone, especially after a breakup. But that's when we discover who we really are and what we really want.

Lovesickness, loneliness & loneliness, separationTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, season 5 episode 10

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