What kind of people are charming
Learning to charm: 12 tips on how to become more charming immediately
Those who have charm enchants the hearts of their fellow human beings and mutates into magical sympathizers with an irresistible aura. Such a person has a winning, downright irresistible nature. What a quality! Especially for those who were born with this attraction. And the others: can charm be learned? And what does that even mean: be charming? We show you how you can learn and practice charm and how to cast a spell over your fellow men with a charm offensive ...
➠ Content: This is what awaits you
➠ Content: This is what awaits you
Charme Definition: The Meaning in Psychology
Charm denotes a person with a high level of attraction and a winning nature. Those who have charm appear appealing, enchanting, irresistible to others. "If you are charming, the world is at your feet," they say. However, behind this is a collection of different characteristics and positive behaviors. In addition to authenticity and eloquence, this also includes a dash of eroticism (or “sex appeal”), generosity, good manners, empathy, compassion, spontaneity and a pinch of mystery.
Who wants to be perceived as "charming", always needs a bit of glamor and a certain unpredictability, which on the one hand surprises and breaks rules, but never to the detriment of the other person. Charm needs corners and edges, amiable quirks and idiosyncrasies in order to remain “special”. The term "Everybody’s Darling" is therefore misleading. The charming is personable, but never smooth. The psychology of Charme lies in the art of creating a wow effect every time in an extraordinary self-presentation and thus enchanting others.
Charm - the term itself comes from French (spoken: "charm"). Typical synonyms for “being charming” are: “delightful”, “appealing”, “captivating”, “interesting”, “engaging”, “attractive”, “enchanting”, “beguiling”, “fascinating”. This already shows how wide the range of properties is. But no matter with whom and with whom - both men and women - you associate the word “charm”, in 99 out of 100 cases the term has a positive connotation.
Charm is an ascribed quality
Noteworthy: You cannot claim to be charming on your own. Charm is an attributed quality, a charisma in the literal sense of the word. Others have to judge whether someone has charm or not. And that can always be subjective: What some still perceive as a charm offensive, others describe as "exaggerated" or "affected".
In fact, when it comes to charm, there are various associations: Some immediately envision a classic gentleman in a tuxedo. Others think of an accomplished ripper, charm bolt and pickup artist. For the latter, however, charm is only a lure and a means to an end. Too bad. Because that reduces the wonderful talent to a mere tool.
For this, charm does not need neither grace nor attractiveness. Beauty is a strong magnet for sympathy. But there are many people who more than make up for their below-average appearance with great charm. Ninon de Lenclos, one of the most successful courtesans and seductresses, is said to have inspired young men at court at the age of 80.
It pays to be charming - professionally and privately
If you have charm, you will be surrounded by a sovereign to magical aura. Charming people can not only impress, they sometimes even make us happy. Because charm tickles our senses.
In order to be charming, the person concerned must be able to observe and listen well, i.e. be genuinely interested in his counterpart and empathize with his fellow human beings. There are two special skills behind this:
Both allow the charmer to "sniff" the atmosphere of the conversation, to recognize emotions and to anticipate reactions. Those who can then play out their charm are able to trigger well-being in the other person and arouse positive feelings through chosen words or gestures. Or to put it another way: Charm stays so pleasantly in our minds because it feels good.
Charm is also worthwhile for the charmer
The charm offensive is also worthwhile for the charmer:
- Charm increases persuasiveness
Whether it is a salary negotiation with the boss or a sales pitch with a customer: Charme helps to convince people and to bring them to their own side.
- Charm helps to make contacts
It is much easier for charming people to make new contacts and start conversations. This enables them to build professional networks, make friendships and strengthen relationships more quickly.
Learning to charm: 12 tips on how to be charming
You may know someone who you consider to be very charming. Or have you been said to be charming? You could of course ask for it - but that would be the exact opposite: charmless. That is why we recommend the following tips with which you can immediately radiate more charm and charm others:
Charming people are excellent listeners. You pay undivided attention to your interlocutor at every moment. They neither look at the cell phone nor think about an answer while the other person struggles for words. To do this, they ask interested questions, show understanding and appreciation. That makes their company extremely pleasant.
An open look also helps to appear more charming. Show that you enjoy contact with the other person. For example, with a friendly smile or an affirmative nod. Never forget how many signals you are sending through your body language. For example, by leaning forward and opening your posture. This way, you will appear charming and friendly even before you have spoken a word.
Maintain eye contact
Make sure to keep eye contact during the conversation and look the other person in the eye. Of course, don't stare, it looks aggressive! But if you don't avoid eye contact, you immediately radiate more self-confidence and show that you can trust her or him.
Don't take yourself seriously
No joke. Have you ever said charm of someone who was uptight? Just. Charm is an attitude that radiates from within and retains its naturalness and carefree. Everything that is purposeful and methodical has an uncharming effect. So stay relaxed, playful, and take baskets and defeats lightly yourself. You'd better parry this with a pinch of humor. Those who do not take themselves so seriously and demonstrate coolness when they are embarrassed gain charisma and appeal.
Show yourself vulnerable
Showing strength isn't nearly as charming as many think. The opposite is true: vulnerability and humility are much more attractive. Because it makes us human and "warm". It also increases our credibility when we show and allow feelings. Strictly speaking, that only proves the true strength and true greatness of being able to make yourself small.
Give honest compliments
A few well-chosen words are enough to exude charm during a conversation. Honest (!) Compliments are ideal. Make the other person feel special. But refrain from empty phrases and superficial sloppiness. It only becomes charming when the flattery is not intentional and comes from the heart.
Look for subtle body contact
Used correctly, subtle (!) Body contact is extremely charming. He can underline what has been said. A light touch on the arm can, for example, reinforce a compliment or express your joy at seeing you again. But please never touch and touch! You must maintain any privacy.
Small trick - big psychological effect: Make sure you make a note of the names of the people you are speaking to. Names have tremendous power. You can add the name now and then to small talk, as well as when saying goodbye. Effect: The more often the person hears their own name, the more they feel valued, respected, liked - and respond with sympathy.
Make a point of your demeanor
In addition to good manners (read: "manners"), your clothing also influences how charming you are perceived by those around you. Clothes make the man - as superficial as it sounds. This expresses your appreciation. Of course, you don't have to wear a tuxedo every time. But you should dress appropriately for the occasion and the person and make (visibly) effort.
Focus on the positive
It's a simple trick, but possibly the most important of all: stay positive. Nothing seems so charmless to interlocutors as a negative attitude. Charm always starts with you: Banish negative words, criticism and nagging from your thoughts and focus on the positive aspects. You automatically reflect this point of view in your dealings with others and appear immediately more charming.
Modulate your voice pitch
When speaking, pay attention to the correct pitch of your voice - the so-called indifference. This is our personal keynote that everyone talks about individually. You can find this “middle speaking position” by thinking of a good meal and humming a pleasant “Mmmh”. When speaking, our voice circulates around this tone up to a fifth. Those who stay in this area come across as authentic, convincing and personable. Anyone who also speaks gently and slowly appears confident - and charming.
Observe a couple in love in a restaurant: the more in love, the more their body language synchronizes: She strokes her hair, shortly afterwards he adjusts his hairstyle ... Harmony in language and body language subtly signals: “I like you, the chemistry between us is right. “The psychological effect can also be used in a targeted manner. This is called "mirror technology" in the technical language. It is not about aping, but carefully harmonizing the non-verbal signals. The better you master it, the more charming you will appear.
Wanting to be charming doesn't mean wanting to please everyone. First, it is impossible; second, not wise either. Often it is precisely those people who have a backbone that we find particularly attractive and respectful - precisely because they cannot be bent and their flags do not turn according to the wind.
Charm takes time to develop its effect. So be patient if you are not immediately perceived as charming. As long as you remain friendly, open and humorous with everything, the foundation for more charm has been laid.
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Jochen Mai is the founder and editor-in-chief of the career bible. The author of several books lectures at the TH Köln and is a sought-after keynote speaker, coach and consultant.
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