How can I talk to girls in confidence
ProM Mädchen - Mädchenhaus Düsseldorf e.V.
Violence has many faces. Everything that happens to you against your will is violence - every violation of your physical and emotional limits. You may encounter violence every day, in the school yard, on the tram, at home, on television, on the Internet, among children, adolescents and adults. You have a right to live without violence. Get support and don't be left alone with what you've experienced!
Many people who have experienced violence would like to forget about it immediately. You are confused, at a loss, desperate and ashamed. No girl likes to say that she has experienced something hurtful or that she has become a victim. This non-telling and silence makes perpetrators powerful. You rely on nobody to tell you. At ProM Mädchen you can report confidentially about your experiences in a protected environment. Here are a few examples of different forms of violence:
Violence with words
Violence in the name of love
Loverboy - Bad Boy
When you strike yourself
Violence with words
Words are a quick way to hurt, humiliate, or insult another person. Written words in internet forums, in chat or in a letter can also hurt. Someone tries to gain power over you with words, another person wants to annoy, devalue or unsettle you. Many people react to verbal violence by saying “Oh, that was definitely not meant” or “You must have misheard”. This form of belittling is doubly hurtful.
Trust your feelings when you feel attacked. You have a right to have this stop. Ask other people for help or get support from the ProMädchen staff.
Bullying means doing a single girl or boy regularly over a long period of time for example
- laughed at
- poorly made,
- done or
- is wrongly accused.
Most of the time, bullying happens at school. The bullys, as one calls the primarily responsible classmates, are often opinion-forming in the class, that is, they try to determine who or what is cool, how you have to be to belong, who is in or out.
You don't have to be able to defend yourself alone. Ask others for help, inform your teachers, parents, or other adults you trust. You can also get advice from ProM Mädchen anonymously.
Pushing, hitting, holding on, bumping into the school yard, intentionally hurting someone or trying to hurt someone: these are all forms of physical violence. Often it happens in secret. The perpetrator makes sure that nobody sees what is happening. Often people are ashamed that they have been attacked and injured and try to hide the traces. For example, someone may try to prevent other people from seeing bruises or wounds. Sometimes girls make up explanations and tell stories that are not true because they are so ashamed of what happened to them.
Guilt are always those who use violence, guilt is never the one or the one who is attacked! Let an adult you trust and ask for assistance. Or get advice from the ProMädchen staff or in the email counseling service anonymously.
Arguing and sometimes shouting loudly or slamming a cup on the floor: this happens in almost all families. But if the argument becomes so bad that the father repeatedly beats the mother down with words, for example, or pulls the hair or tramples, then we speak of domestic violence. When children or young people notice this - even if they are not beaten by their father or mother themselves - they are often in a bad way. Sometimes women beat their husbands too. Often parents forbid talking about it to others because they don't want other people to notice.
But you have the right to grow up without the constant fear of violence and you can get help. There is also help for mothers and fathers if they both want to change something. The ProM Mädchen employees know the problem and will advise you confidentially and anonymously if you wish.
Violence in the name of love
Forms of violence can also occur in love relationships - this happens not only in adults, but also in teenage relationships: when your boyfriend / girlfriend, for example
- controls your sms contacts,
- dictates what to wear
- makes you bad in front of others,
- tells you that he / she wants to have sex with you now and if you really love him / her, you would too,
- asks you to undress in front of the webcam and calls you boring and uncool if you don't.
These are all forms of violence because your limits are being exceeded. And it can escalate to blows, kicks, rape or other injuries.
This is no longer love! You have the right to get help and support - it doesn't help to wait and hope that it gets better. It usually gets worse and worse, and then you can't get out of it on your own. Talk to people you trust or ProGirls about it - even if you don't yet know what you can and want to change!
Loverboy - Bad Boy
Sometimes it was never love from his side, but you experience it as such, because he gives you great gifts and you always feel understood by him at first like nobody else. But then he begins to control you every step of the way and threaten you to the point where he persuades or forces you to have sex with other men in order to pay off his debts and sell you more and more. You are ashamed, still believe that you love him and are afraid of him and his friends. Then you need help! Talk to people you trust or pro girls, even if you don't know what to do next.
If you strike yourself ...
Some girls are willing to humiliate, hit, kick and torture others themselves. Usually the girls themselves have experienced violence at some point and no longer want to be victims. So they turn the tables and bring their aggressions to the outside. Often girls get together in groups. It is not always a spontaneous reaction, but they also specifically look for others in order to let go of their frustration and anger. Sometimes one look is enough and they feel provoked. If you no longer want to do that yourself because you get stressed at school or with the police or because you notice that your behavior is making you unhappy, then you can get help from ProM Mädchen and learn to express your aggressions differently.
You can find further links on the various topics on our links page.
Source: e.g. Girls' House Bremen
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