What is a strong love

Strong women and unconditional love

Strong women are mostly those who don't even know

On the occasion of International Women's Day, I have dealt more and more with the topic of “strong women” and “being a woman” over the past few days and weeks. Not only because I have the feeling that I am surrounded by real power women. I have to admit that I am infinitely blessed with the women in my life. And especially here in Cape Town I became aware of this again, because I am showered with concentrated love and warmth. Especially from the women by my side, because there is just so much love in them.

Yet many of us have relationship problems. Of course, I've talked a lot with my girls about all of these topics. And of course I also asked myself what I appreciate about the women in my life. What inspires me and why I look up to some of them. What makes a strong woman to me?

It is easy to think of being a "strong woman". But actually it is mostly the women who are "strong" who do not claim to be "strong". Because they don't even know what it is like to be other than being “strong”. Personally, I also look up to those women who just do their thing and don't make a big fuss about it. Who are there for others, even if they are not doing well themselves. Who ask you how you are, even if you know that they are struggling themselves. Women who always have an ear or a shoulder for you, even if they need one themselves and are sometimes thousands of kilometers away. Who are not selfish with elbows and walk over corpses as Amazons.

What is a strong woman?

For me, strong women have no would-be airs, but principles to which they stay true. Their motto is: live and let live. You'd rather be alone than surround yourself with energy suckers. They are more likely to be hurt than to consciously hurt others. You treat others with respect and dignity and are also authentic, warm and honest. And not to get anything in return, but for their own peace of mind. Not because they expect something in return.

Strength does not mean walking around like a lioness, but rather has something to do with mental strength: how to deal with problems, challenges, yourself and those around you. No matter if male or female.

Strong women are happy when others are successful. Because they know that we are all in the same boat and that everything will come back in one way or another. Really strong women support each other and don't compete. They are happy for each other, grow together and do not need to distinguish themselves from others. Strong women are not afraid to be alone. But that doesn't mean that they like to be. Sounds easier than it is!

Strong women and unconditional love

It is similar with partnerships. To linger in a partnership or relationship or friendship that is no longer good for you has no long-term sense. Of course, factors such as comfort or the fear of being alone play a role here. Strong women would rather be happy alone than in an unhappy relationship. There is a huge difference between being alone and being alone.

Strong women are not alone because they think they are better. They don't want to "waste" their love and trust on people whose gut instinct says it is not right from the start. Even if that is formulated very harshly. It's not about them not wanting their hearts to be broken or their hopes bursting like a soap bubble. Rather, they don't want to hurt anyone themselves. Neither yourself nor your potential partner if you don't see a common foundation from the outset. They still want to be in a relationship just to avoid being single. Today women don't have to be in a partnership to survive and be cared for.

We are one of the first generations who can consciously choose someone for love. We don't need a partner to be able to survive.
Women want men by their side because they love them with every fiber of their body.
Not because they need it.

Rosa Lazic

No matter how much the man by our side earns, because we are self-employed and independent. We don't have to define ourselves (anymore) by our partner, his job or his social position. Because we know that we can do it all ourselves. Still, everything is nicer with the right partner at our side. But many men are intimidated by intelligent and attractive women. Because they often know what they want or not. Because they can't be sold for stupid. We also have needs and they are just as important to us as those of our partners - it is also called “self-love”. This is the best foundation for an equal partnership, which at the same time allows a lot of freedom.

Strong women are easy to intimidate

Many men need the feeling of “being needed”. But they forget that every strong woman also needs to be loved, to be hugged and to have a shoulder to lean on. A relationship on an equal footing. A partner they love because they are exactly who they are. Not because it financially enables them to have a life that they would like to have. But because they love it with all its quirks, rough edges.

Not because they need him, but because they “want” him as a partner. And that's when the wheat is separated from the chaff, because many things that generations of women have to swallow and endure are a thing of the past. Now women can decide who they want by their side and who not. Perhaps that is precisely what “unconditional love” is?

Women have many roles to play these days

The foundation for real feelings? But real feelings can also quickly become frightening, as many of us are afraid to let them in. Fear of the pain that could eventually come from a breakup. We live in a throwaway society. Before we fix something, if it has a crack, we'd rather throw it away and buy it new. Hardly anyone bothered to compromise or “work” in a relationship. The throw-away mentality has also reached our interpersonal relationship level.

Especially nowadays, a lot is demanded of us women. Also because we put ourselves under pressure and are very strict with ourselves. We need a certain degree of toughness in everyday working life. At the same time, the feminine warmth and cordiality must not be lost. We also have to be the desirable and desiring lover. The best friend, the woman who steals horses, who is a shame for nothing and who joins in or even instigates any fun. At the same time a business lady who is ambitiously pursuing her own career, but at the same time also takes care of the household and largely takes care of the family and makes sure that the partner, parents and children are doing well.

Every strong woman doesn't want to have to be strong all the time

And that's exactly the point: every strong woman also has the need not to always have to be strong. To have to assert oneself always and everywhere. To stand your “man” and be your own shoulder to lean on. Everyone has the need to be hugged and to show “weakness” that is not a weakness at all. In a partnership in particular, you shouldn't have the feeling of having to assert yourself, but rather of being allowed to be a “woman”. Not always having to make all the decisions and being valued without having to earn it with some kind of achievement. Not always being the one who would go through fire for everyone else. Also being the one someone else would walk through fire for.

It's in no way about being able to endure as a woman. Still, it's nice to be shown from time to time that you are valued. In whatever way. This can be a sincere “thank you” as well as a warm hug, time together or a massage. This is not about material things at all.

The right balance between strength and hardness

In fact, I've never really been able to do anything with “girls”. Women who deliberately make you feel like “females” and let yourself be endured. Who, with their feminine charms, conquer calculating wealthy men's hearts in order to steal a luxurious life. Without having to do anything yourself. To each his own, but it is not mine.

Women who stand by their “man” in everyday life, tackle them and rock their lives and at the same time keep the feminine warmth, are true role models for me. But maintaining this mix is ​​an increasingly difficult undertaking, especially in today's world. Then strength becomes exhausting for many women too.

You can have ambition
but not too much.
You should aim to be successful
but not too successful.
Otherwise you will threaten the man.

Lyrics for Flawless by Beyoncé

Unconditional love is a real art

One thing that I myself repeatedly observe in women who are strong for me is unconditional love. Women who do not need a partner because they can do everything themselves are probably the ones who are really able to love “unconditionally”. Your love and affection are not linked to factors and conditions that your partner has to bring with them. They don't love their partner because they need them. But because they don't want to imagine life without him as a human being. And for me that is the pure and honest form of love. You shouldn't have a partner by your side because you get on well with him, but because you don't want to imagine life without him.

We want partners by our side. Partner at eye level. No matter if amicable or passionate. And that doesn't even have anything to do with gender. This is probably the same for men as it is for women. Personally, of course, I can only write from one perspective. 🙂

Thank you, girls, that I can have you in my life and that you are always there for me.
Mama I Love You! <3

Love is so important.
A loving environment.
You know, I really to this day can't tell you how blessed I am to know how much love ...
Let me tell you, because you know,
Love is an incredible thing
and we don’t know love like we should.
We always talk about “I have unconditional love”.
Unconditional love is ...
We don’t even know it.
Because if a person stops stimulating us, we stop loving them.
You're not interesting to talk to anymore, goodbye!
But that real love, that love that sometimes is difficult,
difficult to have.
That's that love.

Lauryn Hill in Cross song "Computiful"

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Sources for this blog post

Bell, R. R. 1981: Friendships of Women and Men, in: Psychology of Women Quarterly, 1981.

Hatfield, E./Ssprecher, S. 1986: Measuring passionate love in intimate relationships, in: Journal of Adolescence, Vol. 9, 1986, No. 4, pp. 383-410.

Umberson, D./Montez, J. K. 2010: Social Relationships and Health: A Flashpoint for Health Policy, in: Journal of Health and Social Behavior, Vol. 51, 2010, pp. S54-S66.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3150158/

Ward, R. M./Popson, H. C./DiPaolo, D. G. 2010: Defining the Alpha Female: A Female Leadership Measure, in: Journal of Leadership & Organizational Studies, 2010.

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