How do you show respect for someone

What exactly do I need at this moment when I speak of respect?

How many times have I asked you for "respectful comments" on various blog posts? And now, with this text from our columnist mindfulsun, I feel the need to say more precisely what I actually want ... Please read first for yourself:

"I want respect!"

Respect is a need we all have. We all want to be respected, which is important to us, especially in the closest environment.

What is respect? Actually, I thought I can answer the question quickly and then came the next words:

Appreciation, respect, recognition, tolerance, caution in cooperation, respecting boundaries.

In a small survey on Twitter on the subject: “What is respect for you?”, Appreciation and respect were the top priority.

More words of need and they want to be filled with life. What do I mean by that?

When I say: “I need to be respected!” Only I can express what I need exactly at this moment.

Such conversations belong in my past:
- "You don't respect me!"
- "Yes I do!"
- "No you do not!"
A conversation ping-pong was created here, in which the fronts hardened.

Why do such conversations run into nowhere for me and are not connecting? I didn't say WHAT I need now to meet my need for respect.

Examples based on situations that can arise in a conversation:

If the other person speaks before I have spoken, I can put it this way:
“I am angry. Respect is important to me. And I want to ask you to let me finish before you speak. Is that ok for you?"

If someone "apparently" does not respond to what has been said:
“I want to be sure that I could make myself understood. I'm tense right now and it's important to me to have a respectful conversation with you on an equal footing. Would you repeat what i said please Is the?"

Regardless of what it is, whether it is actions or what is said: I express exactly what I need so that my need for respect is met. And I formulate requests to the other person.

Specific requests in the current situation, at this moment! A blanket “I want respect!” Is difficult. Because no one but myself can know what respect means to me right now.

A: “You are disrespectful!” Also no longer comes out of my mouth. This is my assessment and judgment. What I achieved with it: The other person became defensive. When I wanted a connecting communication and actually hoped the other would understand me: suddenly there was a wall. And I built it myself with this "You are disrespectful". Yes, in some situations I am angry when I want respect. Accusations are then not helpful. And that also applies to me when dealing with my boys.

Which brings me to the next point:

Respect is something I model my children. Nothing I actively teach them.

And for me, respect is not: "You are doing this now because I am saying that and I am your mother!" For me, that has nothing to do with respect, but obedience. My children also need respect and I show that to them as well. Being able to express needs and feelings is also very important when it comes to the subject of "respect".

Because respect has many faces.

Whether that is a:
Respecting the feelings of the children and still lovingly setting boundaries is ...
Or listen to them without judging and judging them - respect for their needs and feelings ...
... mean respect for me.

Respecting people's boundaries and expressing mine is also part of my need for respect. And here I can also expressly say “Stop!”.

So respecting the feelings and needs of other people is my definition of respect.
Because a "Treat others as you would like to be treated ..." That can differ from person to person.

Conclusion: "I want you to respect me!"
I find it respectful and helpful that I really tell the other person exactly what I need. It is often not easy to give a specific name. If it is not easy for me to find it in myself and to express it: How should it be easy for my counterpart to do it?

How do you feel when you tell someone that you want respect: have you specifically formulated your needs and feelings at this moment?


P.S. von Béa: So what I mean by "respectful comments" I will write you extra in 2-3 days with the help of mindfulsun. That has to sag for me first!