Nice thoughtful men are boring for women
Helper syndrome: This is why we are drawn to difficult men
October 16, 2014 - 2:05 pm
Do you also suffer from the helper syndrome?
The other day a friend told me that she had a great evening with a great man. The man is complicated. These two words fell in the same breath: "Complicated" and "Great".
The combination made me think. It wasn't the first time I've heard women rave about men who are difficult for all sorts of reasons. Jumpy in her feelings, caught up in her own thoughts, opaque, unreliable.
I put in the room: Why is it attractive when you cannot understand a man when he gives you a headache? I know from my fellow women that they suffer most when a man is or becomes bored. Women want to talk. If you can't be sure where you are with a man, that is indeed an exciting thing. You have something on your mind.
I myself know this tendency for enigmatic men from my own experience. I have already bitten my teeth off on some of the gentlemen of this breed. For me it is often the case that I develop a great ambition to develop a man. I see its possibilities, I see its blockages, I see its complexity and I try to turn it into a simplicity. I'm not worried that the man will get bored then. I think he's always interesting and becomes even more interesting when you reveal your inner treasures.
Sometimes I have succeeded, but most of the men remained complicated. And then at some point I found this complexity boring. I'm afraid we women are lying in our pockets if we assume that behind every complicated facade there is something that the world needs, that we need.
That's why women should stay away from complicated men
With this attitude we move strongly in the area of maternal feelings. This is called "little helper syndrome". You look at the strangely stubborn man with understanding tenderness, you want to get him on the track. One wants to heal him. That's the whole point. One actually dreams of him noticing how good it is to deal with you. You want to make yourself indispensable. You want to give and take. Until the man shakes off his complexity and realizes how better he just feels. And how much he loves you.
As a rule, this does not turn into a shoe. Men rarely want to develop. If they want it, a helper woman is more likely to bother them. A man prefers to go his own way.
It is rather the case that a complicated man likes a woman who takes her legs in hand and tries to escape because she finds his complexity unbearable. Excruciatingly boring.
This spurs him on to make an effort with himself and with the woman.
So if we want to experience love easily, we should say what is really true about difficult men: They are not that great.
All the best, your Birgit
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