How do you deal with nagging spouses

About dealing with complainers

Let's say your partner comes home from work in a bad mood and complains that you haven't washed their sports gear yet. In general, you would only have your pleasure (hobby) in your head and you would become more and more selfish. What options do you have in this situation to protect yourself?

TIP 1:Skip the remark without comment

Your partner puts a shoe in front of you and you can decide whether to wear it or not. Leave him alone with his anger. Do not go into defense or counterattack. Instead, speak to him objectively later on whether and with what exactly he is dissatisfied in the partnership or in the job.

TIP 2:See his comment as his personal opinion

Your partner has the right to his own opinion and point of view. This depends on his expectations and his current mood. So his nagging has absolutely nothing to do with your actual behavior. They may want to spend more time with you or they may want you to take on more duties. However, you decide what you want to give as a partner. You're not selfish just because he sees it that way.

TIP 3:Agree with the complainer and exaggerate the criticism even more

To signal to the complainer that you have heard your criticism but not taken it seriously, you could reply: "Yes, I know that I am an absolute nut in tennis. You would probably be better off with a ball machine."

TIP 4:Agree with the complainant in parts of his criticism

Sometimes in the criticism we can find parts that we can unconditionally agree with. By agreeing to this, we can relax the conversation and at the same time do not feel so strongly attacked, for example: "Yes, you are right. I haven't washed your sports gear yet. It's on the plan for tomorrow."

TIP 5:Identify the complainer's feelings and address them about them

Sometimes it is helpful to expose the complainer and address his feelings directly: "You are angry with me and feel neglected."

TIP 6:Give him permission to nag

If the partner nags, we quickly feel attacked and devalued as an imperfect, bad partner or used as a "shoe scraper". We think: "How can he ..., he mustn't ..." In order not to annoy us so much, we can consciously give him permission: "Okay, if you can't handle your feelings differently, then express them as nagging. I won't let that pull me down. "

TIP 7:Clearly send a stop sign

If your partner has had trouble in the business, let him leave his trouble there and not pass it on to you. If he is disappointed in you, let him express it directly and express his wishes. For example, reply to him: "Let's be objective, please. If you have had trouble in the shop, complain there. If you have wishes for me, then formulate them as a wish."

TIP 8:Remove responsibility for his feelings

It's a shame when he's in a bad mood emotionally. However, this has nothing to do with you. He's angry because his expectations weren't met, not because you did something wrong.