Why did you stay away from friends

You should avoid these three types of friends

Not only love relationships, but friendships too can be incredibly stressful. You should really do without these three friends.

on March 17th, 2021, 12 noon
Photo by Eliott Reyna on Unsplash

Friendships have at least as much influence on our lives as love relationships. And just like such, they can become stressful. The social worker Shannon Thomas deals with such so-called toxic friendships. The Teen Vogue she explained three most common types.

1. The * the reproachful

You * He looks at you, raised eyebrows. You would have betrayed her * him. Offended, forgotten, or otherwise injured. And you don't know what she * he is talking about.

It's not really about you. She * he has an image of you in her head that she * attacks him. "It's like these people are having a constant argument with someone completely different, but the words are directed at you. Such behavior creates confusion and hurts feelings, "says Thomas." She feels vulnerable and vulnerable and tries to find out who her friends and who her enemies are. In her insecurity, she defined you as someone who wasn't really interested in her and blames you. "

You * He is constantly provoking drama and arguments between you and probably other people as well. Most likely she * he is creating these problems just to gain some form of control and figure out whom she * he can trust. She * He feels offended about every little thing, but constantly assumes you are offended.

Thomas advises a peaceful solution: "Make it clear to her that you are her friend and that you only want the best for her." But you don't have to put up with everything: "If she makes rude reproaches, tell her as calmly as possible that you are not what she portrays you. Defend yourself from being constantly wrongly characterized. That can be and is exhausting in the long run also the reason why many distance themselves from reproachful friends. "

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2. The * the bitter one

Jealousy. Your job, your relationship, your emotional stability or your hair. No matter what, envy and jealousy are poison in any relationship. The bitter friend may even have been a really great ally, but something happened and now she is no longer granting you your life.

"This person cannot and will not authentically celebrate your life with them. Emails, messages or calls in which you share exciting experiences are simply ignored. The bitter friend stubbornly refuses to congratulate you on your achievements, "says Thomas." She will quite obviously grapple with your successes, be critical or disparaging. "

Here, too, the solution is: talk first! "Ask her what's going on in her life, why she's so hostile. Maybe she'll open up and be able to speak honestly about her feelings," suggests Thomas. "This is actually a perfect moment to actively listen and respond to them. When a suddenly bitter friend feels your support, she often transforms back into the good friend she used to be."
Unfortunately, that won't always work. "The sad truth is that success simply shows who your real friends are and who is really happy when you reach new milestones."

3. The * the one who calculates

The premier class that we all know from teen films of the early 2000s.

The calculating friend doesn't want you to be happier, more successful, or in any way better than they are. She * He attacks you and tries with terrifying accuracy to sabotage parts of your life. She * he's not a real friend - she * he just looks like one.

You * He is constantly collecting information about all the people in his circle of friends in order to later use it against them in a targeted manner. Perhaps you entrusted her * him with personal things that she * he just revealed at the right moment. Of course, she * he always has a great reason why she * he abused your trust.

"She may even be manipulative enough to turn the whole thing around and make you the bad guy," explains Thomas. "Calculating friends don't care if and how much damage they do to you."

At first she * he liked your strengths. Maybe you made her * him look good or you were nice to her * him when no one else was. Thomas explains that calculating personalities always want something that their targets own. They make friends to enjoy each other's circumstances or try to get something for themselves. They know exactly what they are doing and sometimes everything is just a game. Try to pay attention to patterns in her * his past, you are usually not the first victim.

There is no salvation here - get out of this unhealthy friendship, preferably quietly and slowly. Gently stop responding to messages, find a new hobby that will take up your time. "Boundaries don't always have to be drawn vigorously. Sometimes the best boundaries are those that we don't articulate, but set through our behavior."

Friendships have to grow slowly

Friendships are constantly changing. The older you get, the fewer there are - but the more important is the quality of these friendships. And it grows best slowly: "Friendships that become intense very quickly can become very hurtful emotionally. A varied life with different activities helps to slow down new friendships - this is how you can see whether the person has the character traits that you do want to have in your life. "