Why do people hate people who stutter
|Place of residence:||Br hl|
In my experience, people who stutter can roughly be divided into two groups.
One is those who stutter only slightly and who can successfully hide their stuttering most of the time with hidden symptoms (I'll call them Type A here for the sake of simplicity), the other are those whose stuttering is very noticeable, and the others are none Have the chance to keep it a secret, I just call these stutterers of type B here.
These type B stutterers only have two alternatives: either they speak and reveal their stuttering with every utterance, or they say nothing at all and withdraw from the other people.
I have met a lot of people of this type who like to speak up despite stuttering, and I don't know if my impression is deceptive, but I often had the impression that they take themselves for who they are and therefore also with themselves Can be pure.
However, I would like to dedicate the following article to type A stutterers, because I was one myself for a long time, and because I have now met many who, despite having very few symptoms, are stunted and unhappy. At the same time, I believe that very little resources are required for these very people to make incredible progress for themselves.
These type A stutters usually speak fluently and inconspicuously. But the stutter slumbers in them like a ticking time bomb. You never know exactly when it will go up again. They would never admit that they are stutterers and if someone tells them, "Hey, do you stutter?" feel like utter failures.
In the opposite case, if they bring themselves to address the stuttering, they calm those around them by saying: "Oh, you don't stutter at all!" So there is a contradiction between appearance and being. Actually, these people know full well that they are stuttering, but because this is so rarely evident, they do not want to accept it themselves. And if they do admit it, then other people will contradict them.
So they fluctuate back and forth between two worlds and sometimes don't even know where they belong.
And then all of a sudden it comes back and they can't say a certain word to kill them. But since they don't have the experience like type B stutterers either, they are simply overwhelmed by their negative feelings: fear, shame, racing heart ...
You think about it and try to figure out what caused it. It happened in class while reading aloud ... When buying bread ... When speaking to a passerby on the street ...
Even parents don't take these people's stuttering seriously because they speak completely normally at home without taking any action. And everywhere else hide the stutter. They pretend to be thinking and keep saying "uh ... uh ..." when the word doesn't come out right away.
Instead of saying "hello", they prefer to say "hello", even if it doesn't sound so good in the company.
But even when they complain to their own mother, she says: "You don't stutter, don't you know Martin next door? That's stuttering, but not you! You are a little hectic sometimes!"
Any kind of excuse is fine with them, the main thing is not to label them a stutterer. And they themselves also begin to use these excuses. "I forgot the word" or "I wasn't concentrating", the main thing is that it's not stuttering.
In their perception, stuttering becomes bad, yes, the worst in the world because it is undesirable.
Of course, they notice the abnormalities in their speech, but are also aware that those around them do not classify them as stuttering, which is why they do not want to drop their mask under any circumstances. They say to themselves, "If people don't see me as a stutterer, then I have to prove to them that I'm not."
And exactly then they get stuck hard again. Exactly when trying to say "Munich". "M ... M ..." it doesn't work, it just doesn't go on. "Uh ... uh ..." But now say "Berlin" when you're going to study in Munich? But didn't you think yourself all along that you weren't stuttering, didn't the others always suggest that to you? But if that isn't a stutter then what is it? Which normal person has trouble saying "Munich"?
In a moment like this, all they want is for the floor to open up and for them to disappear into it. But the ground does not open up, the interlocutor simply adds the word for you: "Munich?"
At such a moment, on the one hand, they want to fall around the other's neck, on the other hand, they hate him for it. And they hate each other. "Why can they all say that and I can't?" And why can you say Munich 100 or 1000 times now that the word is out?
The stutter hovers over them like a sword of Damocles. If something like this happened more often then they could get used to it, but not like this. In one group they speak normally and inconspicuously, in the other they sometimes cannot get a word out.
But even if they are barely speaking fluently, no one - except perhaps a good therapist - can understand the struggle they are waging.
But how can you help these people?
Of course, I would advise everyone to have therapy. But I've also met people of this type who even the therapist didn't believe in their fears and worries.
A self-help group is definitely an excellent point of contact, because here you are not judged according to the severity of the symptoms, but every person who has a problem with stuttering is welcome.
But regardless of that, I can give the following advice from my own experience:
* First of all, become aware that stuttering does not devalue you as a person
* Make friends with the fact that you are stuttering
* Try to become aware of all the "hidden symptoms" you are showing
* Stop avoiding and consciously stop exchanging words
* Stand in front of the mirror and say "yes, I stutter - no matter what the others say"
* Comment on parts of the conversation if you have difficulties again
* Talk about stuttering, talk about your fears
* And if people are still saying, "You don't stutter at all," then contradict them. Tell them that your "uh uh", which you still show now and then, is only used to put off words until they become pronounceable for you.
* Turn all your hidden symptoms into open ones!
But how can I turn covert symptoms into overt symptoms?
Actually, this is the hardest part of the exercise. Because until today you have always said to yourself, "Everything is fine with me, the main thing is that it doesn't sound like stuttering!" That's why you always stopped the sentence immediately when you noticed the slightest lack of fluency. You took a breath and tried again and kept adding filler words to procrastinate.
Now you have to develop the curiosity yourself to say: "I'll just let it happen, let's see what happens?"
And if you don't succeed in doing that right away, you can also try to incorporate pseudostuttering. First with strangers who you will never meet again anyway, then with your friends and acquaintances and finally with your family.
When you do that at the latest, nobody will say, "You don't stutter at all." On the contrary, they say: "Oh, now I've noticed too."
And then you will notice what a feeling of relief there is.
The main problem with Type A stutterers is that we have become hypersensitive over the course of our lives. But if we manage to desensitize ourselves - with or without therapeutic guidance - then we can overcome all the negative feelings about stuttering and no longer need to be afraid, even if we stutter.
We can succeed in reconciling appearance with being. And if we no longer mind enduring stuttering symptoms in front of other people, in front of acquaintances and strangers - most people will not find that bad at all - then we no longer need to be constantly in the watchful position. And as soon as we have found our inner peace, the remaining stuttering symptoms usually decrease enormously. And even if we get stuck - we can acknowledge it with a smile. And that feels good.
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