How to Build a Friendship 1

sofatutor magazine student

Being friends at school is usually very easy: you see your friends every day and you can exchange your wishes and hopes with them. But how do you stay friends after you graduate?

Friendship - a definition

The Greek philosopher Aristotle said: “Friendship is one soul in two bodies.” By this the famous thinker means that friends are characterized by the fact that they can understand each other and share feelings. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is sad or happy, so are you. Friendships are therefore a basic requirement for a happy and fulfilling life for everyone.

The term friendship expresses your sympathy for another person. You think this person is great and they love you too. Because a friendship can only really work if this affection comes from both sides. There is no such thing as a one-sided friendship. Trust can only develop on a mutual basis. And that's what friends are about: That you always have someone you can relate to, with whom you can talk about anything. That also catches you when you experience a crisis because you are lonely or insecure. Friends are sometimes like a second family.

With fun to learning success - that's how it's done

It will three types of friendship differentiated:

  1. Friendships that the Advantages of the other person (exploit
  2. Friendships that only exist on the shared fun or leisure are based
  3. Friendships that have one real interest dispose of each other

In the first form of friendship is it about the fact that you are friends with a person because they are e.g. For example, make good notes in class that you can borrow. Or because the person makes the best presentations. In the second kind of friendship They are mostly friends who you only see on weekends and whom you would not call if you B. have grief. The last form of friendship is the ideal friendship. However, it is also the least common. You can rely on these friends - and they can rely on you too. Because you like each other and want each other to be fine. Most people don't have more than five really good friends.

How you can recognize good friends

At school, at university or in training, you will often find friends with the same interests or values. That means that you z. B. likes the same music, hobbies or sports. Sometimes it is the circumstances that make you friends. For example, if you have someone your own age in the neighborhood, or if your parents' friends have a child of the same age, chances are you will meet and like them.

This is how you can tell whether a person is a really good friend:

  1. She is open and has a positive posture. Anyone who looks you kindly in the eye and does not stand in front of you with crossed arms is in a positive mood for you.
  2. She always has something exciting to tell. A person who honestly tells you about their thoughts and projects and values ​​your opinion is a good friend.
  3. Sometimes she takes on an unpleasant task or gives you her opinion. If you ask your boyfriend or girlfriend to help you with something, they'll be happy to do so. And if you've screwed up real crap, a good friend will tell you that too. This is how he or she wants to prevent this from happening to you again.

Friendship in the age of the internet

In the meantime, of course, you can also find new friends online. Often the same interests also play a role here. The difference to offline friendships is that it is more difficult to interpret them because you cannot observe the posture and you have to partly rely on writing and emojis. Therefore, sooner or later it is important for most online friendships to talk to one another on the phone or skype. In this way you get to know the gestures and facial expressions of the other and can better assess the pitch. Often you and your friends from school are also out and about online, in messengers, on Instagram or Snapchat. Since these two levels mix, it is always important to compare whether your boyfriend or girlfriend behaves there as you expect him or her from direct contact. If someone pretends to be online and z. B. is unnecessarily mean or acts up, then you should keep your distance. If your friend is enjoying the same nonsense online that he or she is amused about when you are together, then you can assume that he or she is not behaving "fake".

Another consequence of dealing with the term “friendship” in the age of the Internet: Psychologists assume that today we deal much more specifically with our demands on friendship. We expect friends to be there for us in good times and bad. This was negotiated much more hesitantly in the past and was seldom said.


How to keep friendships after leaving school

From the age of 23, the number of friendships decreases. Before that, having a bigger exchange with all sorts of people will make it easier for you to make new friends. After that, when your studies or training is over and you have a steady relationship, your circle of friends will gradually shrink. This is completely normal. You have less free time and want to spend this time with people who make you feel good. Therefore, the true friends who are still around in old age are the ones who like you with all your quirks and follies.

In order to maintain a friendship even after leaving school, if you live in different cities or pursue different life concepts, there are four tips:

  1. Register yourself. Don't just wait for the other to send you a voice message. You just had to think about him or her? Then send him or her a message. If the other person doesn't get back to you right away, be lenient. She's probably busy right now and will get back to you as soon as possible.
  2. Pay attention. Did your boyfriend or girlfriend tell you that they have an exciting job interview ahead of them? At the next meeting, ask how it went. Even if it's been a few weeks, it shows that you are interested in your boyfriend or girlfriend, even if you are no longer hanging out together all the time.
  3. Share your feelings - without expecting too much. It makes you approachable and accessible if you keep telling your friends what you appreciate about them. They also want to know how you are doing. So tell them about your recent developments and thoughts. Don't expect them to be able to help you with your problems at any time. But it's a nice gesture to open up and get their opinion as well. That shows appreciation and this quality is an important basis for mutual trust.
  4. Be creative in your exchanges. You and your boyfriend or girlfriend love to meet up for breakfast together, but the time just hasn't worked out in the last few weeks? Then just call for breakfast the next time you have the opportunity. Or send a postcard from vacation. Or visit them on the weekend and just spend 48 hours with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You have already created new shared memories that you can still look back on when you are old and gray.

Cover picture: © Denis Kuvaev /

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