Can a husband become physically abusive with gas lighting?

8 signs someone might be in a relationship with a gas lighter

"If you repeat a lie enough times, it will be accepted as the truth."- attributed to various sources

“Some people try to be great cutting off the heads of others. "- Paramahansa Yogananda

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Gas lighting is a form of prolonged manipulation and brainwashing that causes the victim to doubt himself and ultimately lose his or her own sense of perception. Identity, and self-worth. Gaslighting statements and accusations are usually based on blatant lies or exaggeration of the truth. The term is derived from the 1944 film Gas lightWhere a husband tries to convince his wife that she is crazy by making her question herself and her reality.

In its milder forms, gas light creates subtle but uneven performance dynamics in a relationship where the gas light is exposed to the unreasonable, non-factual testing, judgment, or micro-exposure of the gas lighter, aggression. In the worst case, pathological gas lighting represents a severe form of mind control and psychological abuse. Gaslighting can occur in personal relationships with verbal, emotional, and / or physical hostility from one partner to another. in the workplace, when a supervisor regularly and unfairly abuses employees; or across a nation, as when commercial advertisements or public figures make statements that are clearly contrary to the common good.

It should be noted that not all gas lighters are intentionally malicious or aware of their harmful behavior. Some bought into negative social norms and prejudices from their family, peers, community, or society at large. You may not be fully aware of the harmfulness (and harm) of your words and actions and the painful effects it can have on others. However, other gas lighters are well aware of their coercive tactics as they deliberately try to create an imbalance and power over other people's lives.

Several studies and writings have focused on the phenomenon of gas lighting and its destructive effects.[1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8] How do you know when you may be dealing with a pathological gas lighter? The following are eight tell-tale signs taken from my book: How to use gas lighters successfully and end psychological bullying. While some relationships encounter one of these issues on occasion, which may not be a major problem, a pathological gas lighter routinely subjects its victim to several of the following experiences, unaware (or unconcerned about) how his or her machinations work focus on others.

1. You will be constantly reminded of your mistakes

One of the most obvious signs of gas lighting occurs when you are regularly reminded of your shortcomings, weaknesses, or undesirables in a personal relationship or at work. You feel like there is always something wrong with you and what you do, and that you are never good enough.

Many gas light charges are generalized derogatory remarks and negative stereotypes. The gas lighter makes these accusations not to discuss problems or to solve problems, but to put the victim on the defensive. As the gas lighter attacks you on a personal level and you feel vulnerable, a power imbalance arises in the relationship from which you can then be used to its advantage.

2. You often feel insecure and insecure

In a gas light relationship, you often feel anxious and insecure of yourself. You may feel unsure about how to act, not sure what to expect, and worry about when the gas lighter will work again. You might even question your worth as an individual - that you are somehow not good enough as a partner, offspring, employee, or someone with your special background.

3. You feel as if you are walking on eggshells

“These picture frames in the living room are crooked. I told you to see when to clean the house. Come on! Do not be stupid! "- Anonymous husband

Another sign of gas lighting is when you feel like you cannot express yourself freely in front of the gas lighter. Everything you say or do is wrong. You feel nervous and tense around him, without knowing when he will start picking you, addressing your mistakes, or making another accusation. There may be symptoms of increased disease stress, anxiety, depression, or trauma. You may begin to develop obsessive-compulsive symptoms - the need to repeatedly monitor and correct yourself - for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing and being ridiculed by the gas lighter. You may even feel like you are going crazy. Significantly, you feel safer, happier and freer if you do not evade the influence of the gas lighter.

4. The gas lighter rarely admits mistakes and is extremely aggressive when criticized

The dynamics of a gas light relationship is one in which the gas lighter attacks frequently and the gas light is constantly on the defensive. The gas lighter rarely, if ever, talks about its own shortcomings and shortcomings. If only moderately criticized, the pathological gas lighter will quickly use guilt, excuse, and / or victim to cover up its own shortcomings, while creating a misdirection by starting a new round of accusations and false allegations.

Through this tactic, the gas lighter is able to take focus away from itself, avoid serious investigations, and get away with its own violations and inadequacies.

5. You make self-derogatory remarks

Since the goal of the pathological gas lighter is to distort your perception and identity after a period of persistent ridicule, you can question yourself and wonder if some of the gas lighter's negative comments and allegations about you are true. You may begin to think and feel negatively about yourself, make self-deprecating remarks, and disapprove of your own qualities, values, and backgrounds.

“I lived in a household where women were routinely treated as second grade. For a long time I chose the negative stereotype and made sexist and racist comments about myself and other women. It wasn't until I moved out that I realized I had been bamboozled. "- Anonymous

One of the most common types of self-derogatory remarks is "I'm sorry," even if you are clearly at the end of the abuse. It's a classic example of gas light.

6. Despite bad treatment, look for acceptance, approval and validation in the gas lighter

Some gas lighters manipulate the gas light with frequent negative hostility combined with the occasional positive bribe. The gas light, which wants to avoid tension and hope for better treatment, may become more and more indulgent. In this way a codependent relationship can be formed. The Oxford dictionary defines code dependency as "excessive emotional or psychological dependence on a partner". In a gas light relationship, the gas lighter has the authority to grant acceptance, approval, respect, safety and protection. He or she also has the power (and often threatens) to take these things away. With this tactic, the gas lighter retains power, privileges and claims.

7. You hide and excuse the compulsion of the gas lighter

In a typical example of the psychology of the abused, some victims feel ashamed of being overwhelmed or powerless in the presence of the gas lighter. They either cover up the psychological abuse by putting on brave faces, or they deny it and pretend everything is fine. When concerned family members or friends inquire, the Gaslichter can come up with a variety of excuses - for example, “It's really not that bad.” “He's been through a lot of stress lately.” “It's my fault, I made it angry. "" He doesn't really mean it. "" I can help her, it'll get better. "" I'm too sensitive. "" At least I have what I have. «

8. You feel stuck and / or alone

For all of the reasons described above, victims of gas light often feel stuck and / or alone. Some gas lights isolate themselves under the pressure of the gas lighter, while others, even those with social contacts, are concerned about fully disclosing their plight or pessimistic that things will change for the better. Many victims of gas light swallow silent tears - deep down they know thatYou deserve better.

Preston Ni is the author of (click titles) "How to Use Gas Lighters Successfully and End Psychological Bullying" and "How to Communicate Effectively and Deal with Difficult People".

© 2017 by Preston C. Ni. All rights reserved worldwide. A copyright infringement can prosecute the infringer.


Calef, Victor; Weinshel, Edward M. Some Clinical Consequences of Introjection: Gas Lighting. Psychoanal Q. (1981)

Cawthra, R .; O'Brian, G .; Hassanyeh, F. 'Imposed Psychosis': A Case Variant of the Gas Light Phenomenon. British Journal of Psychiatry. (1987)

Dorpat, Theodore L. Gaslighting, Double Whammy, Questioning and Other Methods of Covert Control in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis. Jason Aronson. (1996)

Gass, G. Z .; Nichols, W.C. Gaslighting: A Marriage Syndrome. Journal of Contemporary Family Therapy. (1988)

Portnow, Kathryn. Dialogues of Doubt: The Psychology of Self-Doubt and Emotional Gaslight in Adult Women and Men. Harvard Graduate School of Education. (1996)

Simson, George K. Gaslight as a manipulation tactic: What it is, who does it and why. Consulting Resource (2011)