Ever feel unwanted and ignored
When you feel like you don't fit into the world
Do you know the situation where you are in the midst of other people and feel strange? This feeling of alienation arises less from the fact that you do not know these people. But on the contrary. You can even feel very strange even though you are among people you know. By feeling strange, I mean rather the common wavelength that you seek with other people in order to connect with them, but you do not find it - and therefore feel strange.
Do you know that?
In this post you will find out why it can be that you don't seem to fit into this world and how you can find more connection.
I've often had the feeling that I didn't fit into this world. The feeling that the people I was surrounded by were somehow different from me. That they had completely different lifestyles, values or views than I and I could not find myself in anyone.
I wanted to feel connected and get on really well with them, but I couldn't find a common denominator. I was looking for conversations but didn't know what to talk about. Our encounters were polite but not friendly. Our conversations were known but not familiar. I felt strange and alone, but didn't know why.
Feeling strange and looking for the mistake
Since I couldn't make friends, at some point I began to question myself. I began to evaluate this “feeling strange in the world” as “being wrong”. That was a coherent answer for me. After all, I got the impression that everyone else was normal and that I was somehow different. Falling out of line and therefore being "wrong". I was too shy. Too reluctant. Too boring. Too inconspicuous. Too profound. Too sensitive. Too thoughtful. This created and consolidated a weak sense of self-worth. I started to believe that I had to change in order to fit into the world and to feel connected - and tried to become like "the others". I have tried to adapt in every way in order to be able to meet other people on the same wavelength - and finally to be able to leave this uncomfortable feeling-alien-in-the-world behind me.
I adapted to other roles and opinions. Assumed different views and interests. Dressed me and acted like the people I admired and wanted to be part of. I wanted to find like-minded people and became like them. The greatest “success” for me was when I was accepted into a hip clique. Wow, I finally felt I belonged, had finally arrived! So i thought.
But it was a fallacy.
I pretended to be something I wasn't and that was the mistake that cost me my soul. I felt stranger and lonelier than ever. Because now I felt uncomfortable not only because I still didn't feel I belonged (deep down), but also because I was playing a role that didn't correspond to me at all.
Nobody saw it from the outside. But inside I broke.
I felt more and more uncomfortable with people and withdrew more and more, if that was possible. Inwardly, I broke on this mask - on the lie of being someone I wasn't. At some point I no longer knew who I really am, where I belong and where my (inner) home is. The worst time of my life began - a life at war with me. I didn't want to be who I am and I couldn't be who I wanted to be. I got depressed and started to hurt myself physically. It was a daily fight that I lost mercilessly. Every day anew.
As a profound and spiritual person, I firmly believe that we are here for a reason. Killing myself was not an option for me, even if dying was my dearest wish. At some point I asked myself whether it was really only me that made me feel strange in the world and if so, why it was only me.
The encounter with people who are supposedly not on my wavelength is inevitable. And it can't be that I feel bad every time and hope that the time goes by quickly when I'm among these people. And it cannot be that I simply avoid people and am only for myself. That would mean a life of endless sadness and loneliness.
Feeling strange - high sensitivity as a possible reason
I had a key experience when I came across the topic of high sensitivity on the Internet, with which I had never come into contact before. I recognized myself in so many ways and finally got answers to my most urgent questions: Why I am the way I am and why I feel so strange.
Feeling strange in the world is a feeling that many highly sensitive people know. The reason lies in their finer sense of energies, stimuli and perceptions and their often profound nature. They often long for a deeper exchange, deal a lot with questions of meaning and often need a lot of time for themselves to process all the (much more intense) impressions. You can find more detailed insights into the topic in this post: Out of this world - living with high sensitivity.
In addition, my lack of self-esteem was the cause of my feeling of being a stranger.
Self-rejection and inner restlessness
Do you find it difficult to understand yourself in your "otherness" and, above all, to accept yourself? Would you like to be different, but you don't succeed because this otherness is not you? Do you feel like you are in constant conflict because you cannot be how you want to be, but you also cannot accept yourself for who you are?
That's what happened to me. Added to this were the consequences that this self-rejection and the conflict brought with it: An inner restlessness and conflict that often left me brooding and dragged me even further into the swamp of dissatisfaction, worthlessness and despair.
How can one succeed in letting go of this inner turmoil and find peace?
For me, the key to a life of peace and connectedness with other people was to get in touch with myself and to live in connectedness with myself. Because something important became clear to me: The origin of the (main) problem lay in me!
How am I supposed to be confident and self-assured in the presence of other people (that was my greatest wish) when I reject myself?
And I ask you: Can you confidently stand by yourself and feel connected to others if you do not accept yourself and have no connection to yourself?
Arrive in yourself
Self-acceptance, self-love and self-care were important lessons for me that I was allowed to learn (and continue to learn) in order to achieve inner peace.
I realized that the most important place I have to arrive if I want to find inner peace is within myself. When I am connected to myself, I can confidently and self-determinedly go my way. I have found a security in myself and achieved an inner stability that gives me peace and strength.
Who feels safe in himself,
- is not afraid to be yourself.
- is not afraid to express his own opinion.
- not unsettling criticism or other views.
- inner peace is more important to him than the desire to please others.
I was able to realize that I am exactly right the way I am and that I will find my place in the world and among people. I don't have to adapt to be able to arrive, I have to arrive within myself in order to be at home in the world.
I worked on my self-esteem and self-confidence. I learned to feel comfortable in my body and my sensitive being and to take good care of myself. It was the path to confidence and the key to not being afraid of being yourself anymore.
Do you want to finally find like-minded people?
The relationship with you determines the relationship with others
A missing and loveless relationship with yourself can be a reason why you feel strange and alone among others. Another reason may be that you are in an environment that does not at all correspond to your way of thinking and living. That you have people around you whose values, needs and interests do not harmonize with you and your being.
There will always be people in your life with whom you will not be on the same wavelength and with whom you will feel strange. Your environment plays an important role. It is always advisable to mainly surround yourself with those who do you good and who accept and appreciate you for who you are.
But that is not always possible.
If you often have the feeling that you are a stranger in the world or are often surrounded by people who make you uncomfortable, it is worth investigating the cause in order to free yourself from the overwhelming feeling of separation can.
Do you have poor self-esteem and think badly of yourself a lot? Do you have a particularly sensitive manner and are you very sensitive? Then an important step to more connectedness and self-confidence can be to develop a loving relationship with yourself. To accept you in your sensitive way and to take good care of yourself and your individual needs in everyday life.
Learn to like you. To accept you lovingly in everything you are. Then you will find a security in you that supports and protects you from within. You will find your worth in yourself, which enables you to take care of yourself confidently and well. You will feel a lot less strange in the world because you have arrived in yourself.
“I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me. Today I look around and wonder if I like her. ”- Unknown
How are you. Do you know that feeling?
Do you want to strengthen your self-worth from the ground up and finally go through life confidently?
Then you have this opportunity in my online coaching program “Your way to a new you”, which has already accompanied many highly sensitive people to a new attitude towards life.
“Thanks to the program, I had the chance to deal with myself in an appreciative way. I was able to develop an increasingly positive view of myself and deal with my strengths and weaknesses. This also made me feel more secure in my everyday life and in my relationships and can now deal with challenges more easily. The relationship with me has become more honest, deeper, more loving and stronger. " - Ines
Click on the picture for more information.
- My Facebook group to find people you feel comfortable with.
You know the longing to feel connected and to exchange ideas with like-minded people. For this reason I started the Facebook group “Verbundensein”. Feel warmly welcome in the group. May you find people who touch your heart.
I work as a life coach and help highly sensitive people to accept themselves, to perceive their inner voice and their own needs again and to live in solidarity with themselves. So that, through a strong sense of self-worth and the ability to take good care of yourself, you can finally feel calm, strength and lightness again.
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