Would someone go out with a partially disabled person
We asked people with disabilities how to deal with them
Although every tenth person living in Germany has a severe disability, people around them are often as insecure as virgins shortly before their first visit. In order to take away these uncertainties and to spare people with disabilities further bullshit, we asked some of them for tips in everyday life.
Jeanette, 36, has walking difficulties
"I'm very open-minded and sociable. My handicap doesn't play a big role for me. I just can't run as far as others or go hiking. I often get bad breath when climbing stairs. I used to have the situation where people stared at me . I did work and travel in Canada last year. I noticed that people there look a lot less than in Germany. For a few years now I have not cared. The worst thing is when children are moved away. Sometimes they ask theirs Parents then what I have. And they answer: “You mustn't ask that.” And I'm more happy when someone asks instead of staring for minutes. Children in particular are always allowed to ask. They're just curious.
What doesn't work for me: being touched. People without disabilities don't want that either. I have a little hump on my back - with grandmas one would say hump. Especially when partying, drunk people just touch them, unfortunately mostly men. Sometimes they poke in their fingers and ask what it is. What I also don't like is when people say I'm an inspiration. I am like everyone else and I want to be treated like that. "
Markus, 46, is blind
"There are situations in which I need help. But there are also situations in which I do not need it and it is still forced on me. When I try to get on the train, someone often grabs my arm and pulls me in - without saying a word. When someone grabs me and pushes me, it's very oppressive. It feels like being pushed. You should always ask first if someone needs help with an everyday activity. I run to the Train, get on there and drive to work. If I couldn't do that, I'd take someone with me. And when someone guides me, it's very important to me that I hold on to their arm and not the other way around. So I can let go at any time.
When I drink, my glass is usually "at two o'clock" in front of me. If someone pushes the glass into my hand again and again, I find it overreaching. The person doesn't seem to trust me to find my glass myself. Or when someone asks me if they should cut my meat on the plate. If the person doesn't even trust me to cut my own meat, does they trust me to go to work? There is no interaction at eye level. On the one hand, people are praised for mundane things. For example, for having finished your plate. On the other hand, I am not trusted to grill for my family.
Personally, I find the offer of help from others to be consistently too much. When I refuse help, people often say: "What a shame, I actually wanted to do my good deed of the day". Something like that is pretty strange. I am not responsible for making others feel good. The question is always why people offer help. And even if they do it selflessly, I would like more serenity if I refuse the help. 'Well, it's wonderful that you can manage on your own,' says someone at best. "
Charlotte, 32, is mentally disabled
"I think you should be more friendly with people with disabilities. You should be open to them and ask if you have any questions. Then I can explain my disability better. And you should have more understanding: Recently my roommate started working on the tram scream - and everyone stared at him.
It often happens that people don't take me seriously. The other day I was in the supermarket and there were broken pieces in front of a shelf. I let the saleswoman know because I even stepped into a shard. But she didn't believe me. I think it was because of my handicap. I always need a little longer. I would like to be given this time. If I do something wrong, it should be explained to me in a calm tone and not become aggressive. Otherwise I feel really stupid. "
Silja, 53, is blind
"Many people do not understand what my white cane means. It is my extended tactile finger. I often feel my way along the wall, for example to find an entrance. People always want to lead me to the center. I have to orientate myself. On the subway, they often block the guideline because they don't notice them or are distracted by their cell phones, which is important to me.
But there are also a lot of people who are incredibly attentive and vacate their place immediately. Unfortunately, they often don't let you know when they get up and just walk away. Then of course I don't know if the place is free now. It is important to talk to me.
It has also happened that I misunderstood a situation and therefore sat on someone else's lap. It would help me if people spoke to me in the full subway and offered me help - take it easy. Most of them yell at you because they think you are deaf too. And they shouldn't just grab me by the arm and pull me in. Instead: Please ask, that can never hurt. Then I can still say yes or no. Unfortunately, we blind people are touched all day and often treated like children. Sometimes it can happen that at some point you react annoyed or too violently - please don't be angry or disappointed. "
Tina, 35, has a congenital muscle weakness
"People often don't know how to approach me. My job is to take people's insecurity away. You can ask me anything. I'm happy about that. I would like people to look behind the facade more often Instead, you see a petite woman in a wheelchair who apparently always needs help from her assistant. Then it is often: "Oh, the poor" or "I'm so sorry for you." But I don't know any other way. This deficit is not always a deficit for me. My disability has made me who I am today. I would wish that people would sometimes close their eyes and treat me the way they feel. Most of the time it is insecurities in two sentences. I'm in a wheelchair, but I'm just as normal as all of us. "
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